thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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