tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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