When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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