shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
