Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
