I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
