How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
