why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The uberlube is also flammable
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
