Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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