Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
