what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
3 2 1 whiskey
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
