I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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