You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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