Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
