so explain again why im purple
no
Tell her she can't have a vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
