david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
