We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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