I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
