The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
