I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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