8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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