My first STD was from a foam party
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
