people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
