I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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