I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
