I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
