Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She's the barista slut.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
