just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
