everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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