...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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