i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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