Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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