What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
