just come out here and I will go home with you...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
