My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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