i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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