help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just puked most of my soul out..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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