yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
