I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sober January is a disaster.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
