My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
