That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
