playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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