and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
