so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm at about main and main street
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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