Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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