is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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