Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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