Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
