just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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