Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
did you just send me my own nude
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
