Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
