Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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