OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
