If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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