Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
