Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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