I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
