he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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