that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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