he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
