Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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