There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
