just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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