69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
