I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
