remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
