i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
