hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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