eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
