Screwed.edu
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
