hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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