Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
