STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need moral support for this bender
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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