So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you traded sex for a burrito?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
