I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
