You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
