I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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