I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
