What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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